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ibhmn · 07-26-2006, 01:07 PM

Day 4 Sober—So far So Good. My co-dependant wife reminded me however that I had promised her/us 24 hours of “fun” alone time, hotel etc…before the kids went back to school. She gave me what sounded like the “alternate close” and said, “What day would be better, Wednesday or Thursday?” I said Thursday to buy an extra day.

We occasionally have these outings but we would always start drinking when we unpacked our bags. I had told her a few days ago (in a nurturing voice that I would love to go but that I wasn’t going to drink—but it was okay if she did (and she assures me that she will). I got a snide remark that I don’t recall which frustrated me. It wasn’t the first snide remark I’ve received since I told her Saturday night I was stopping either.

She keeps saying that I should go to a doctor—even now that I have been clean for four days clean while maintaining my blood pressure and getting decent sleep all considered. She has always been the “parent” in our “parent/child” relationship and I kind of feel like she is powering up by invoking the “other” higher power (the doctor). I feel like she is using this as an excuse to protect her dominant territory in some way… and also as a way to hold on to me as a co-dependant in order to justify and continue her drinking habits.

I definitely am going to see the doctor in 30 days and--and I would have gone immediately if the withdrawal had started to get out of control. I want to clean myself up for a month and then get a physical and see where my body is then. Going now in order to get his permission to quit seems odd and disingenuous—I think she doesn’t want to me to dampen her ways. I also think she is going to feel jealous if the kids notice that she still drinks everyday and that I quit—she is very competitive but doesn’t think she is (or so she says).

I love her very much—especially when we’re both clear eyed and not drunk, craving or withdrawing. I’m really keeping my cool and telling her I love her and I think she’s noticed that I’ve actually been a BETTER husband the last 4 days. I know that if I go clean first it may end up saving her life as well someday if she can see from me that sobriety isn’t a death sentence—but quite possibly the opposite.

As I read over this I realize I’ve just rambled and rambled, vented and vented. Sorry—thanks for your time. I know what I need to do. I know also that I’m not going to budge no matter what position she puts me in—including bars.

It has been a little frustrating the last few days to see her always grab her first drink when she sees I’m in the kitchen and I can’t help but watch. I think she tried to play dumb on day one by talking about great the weather was and how it would be so much fun to go to our “park.” She never said to drink but that that was ALWAYS the code for drinking. Am I paranoid about what she is doing? Is this a function of my poor brain trying to figure life out sober?…Or could she really be trying to sabotage?

Dang it! Here I went on with my pity party again…

Any suggestions to getting through Thursday night/Friday day would be greatly appreciated. I love her very much—I just want both of us to be free from this crud that has so hindered our marriage and set such a bad example for our teenage children…

Thanks for everything. Everyone here is just super!

07-26-2006, 01:07 PM	#1 (permalink)
ibhmn Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Camelot Posts: 90	Help--about to be tested on day 5 by co-dependent wife on special “Date night” Day 4 Sober—So far So Good. My co-dependant wife reminded me however that I had promised her/us 24 hours of “fun” alone time, hotel etc…before the kids went back to school. She gave me what sounded like the “alternate close” and said, “What day would be better, Wednesday or Thursday?” I said Thursday to buy an extra day. We occasionally have these outings but we would always start drinking when we unpacked our bags. I had told her a few days ago (in a nurturing voice that I would love to go but that I wasn’t going to drink—but it was okay if she did (and she assures me that she will). I got a snide remark that I don’t recall which frustrated me. It wasn’t the first snide remark I’ve received since I told her Saturday night I was stopping either. She keeps saying that I should go to a doctor—even now that I have been clean for four days clean while maintaining my blood pressure and getting decent sleep all considered. She has always been the “parent” in our “parent/child” relationship and I kind of feel like she is powering up by invoking the “other” higher power (the doctor). I feel like she is using this as an excuse to protect her dominant territory in some way… and also as a way to hold on to me as a co-dependant in order to justify and continue her drinking habits. I definitely am going to see the doctor in 30 days and--and I would have gone immediately if the withdrawal had started to get out of control. I want to clean myself up for a month and then get a physical and see where my body is then. Going now in order to get his permission to quit seems odd and disingenuous—I think she doesn’t want to me to dampen her ways. I also think she is going to feel jealous if the kids notice that she still drinks everyday and that I quit—she is very competitive but doesn’t think she is (or so she says). I love her very much—especially when we’re both clear eyed and not drunk, craving or withdrawing. I’m really keeping my cool and telling her I love her and I think she’s noticed that I’ve actually been a BETTER husband the last 4 days. I know that if I go clean first it may end up saving her life as well someday if she can see from me that sobriety isn’t a death sentence—but quite possibly the opposite. As I read over this I realize I’ve just rambled and rambled, vented and vented. Sorry—thanks for your time. I know what I need to do. I know also that I’m not going to budge no matter what position she puts me in—including bars. It has been a little frustrating the last few days to see her always grab her first drink when she sees I’m in the kitchen and I can’t help but watch. I think she tried to play dumb on day one by talking about great the weather was and how it would be so much fun to go to our “park.” She never said to drink but that that was ALWAYS the code for drinking. Am I paranoid about what she is doing? Is this a function of my poor brain trying to figure life out sober?…Or could she really be trying to sabotage? Dang it! Here I went on with my pity party again… Any suggestions to getting through Thursday night/Friday day would be greatly appreciated. I love her very much—I just want both of us to be free from this crud that has so hindered our marriage and set such a bad example for our teenage children… Thanks for everything. Everyone here is just super!