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what you describe as lack of joy and enthusiasm then the drug of choice giving you a senseof well being or "being right" that is what i have heard hundreds of times in meetings whether it was an alcoholic describing their first drink or a kid their first hit of pot. i too felt this when i was 17 and took my first drug of choice. That was over 20 years ago but that feeling memory will never leave me.
When you leave the pills behind you will most likely feel those original lost feelings which is why you need to IMMEDITELY get some local support meetings AA or NA or a great therapist. I hope I dont sound preachy i dont mean to but I dont want you to fall back again>
you need to get to the root of those feelings so you can rid yourself of them permanently and experience the joy and self-love and self-acceptance that you deserve.
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