Thanks all of you for taking the time to respond.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Blake THis may sound a little over simplified, but its what works for me...
Don't use no matter what happens or how you feel. |
Blake, that makes the most sense out of everything that everyone has said to me.
For me, remembering the kick does not help. When I want to use, the last thing I am thinking about is kicking. I have been walking this tightrope for two days now and I cannot seem to get my head straight. So maybe you would call it a slip, I don't know, but I took some ultram. I guess I am stupid, I negotiate with myself, I tell myself it is better than shooting dope and if I don't do just a little something I am going to end up on the dope so it is the lesser of two evils, right? Problem is now I am feeling sick.
I went to two meetings today. I had to have someone go with me both times because I do not trust myself. I am supposed to be making an 8 hour drive this weekend to meet some friends, by myself. I am not sure if it is a good idea anymore. On the other hand, getting to see these people is a reward for being clean because I would not be going otherwise. My head is not in the right place. But if I do not go, I am losing out to addiction again aren't I? I do not want my addiction to rule my life.