[debmar]

Nevyn, I lost my husband to cocaine overdose. (9mos). I've seen your struggle. It's so hard. But as they say in the meetings look at the BIG PICTURE when you want to walk out that door. Follow it through in your head doing it again, going back, and how you will feel if you did. You'll be sad to have lost your sobriety. Life may seem unmanagable right now, as they said above it does get easier, you really are for the first time in control of yourself, it must not seem like it but you are. Don't count numbers or days either, look at it as a life change. I eat healthy because I know the outcome, people who use the word diet set themsevles up to fail. It's a life choice, and you've made the right one. My husband was sober on his own for many years, got depressed, and after so many years had passed, he forgot don't take the first line, he forgot he can't control the drug, it controls him. His words to me I made the biggest mistake of my life, he did, he is gone so young and I'm a young widow after twenty-five years with my life. He was my life, I feel your fight of every fiber of yourself, I struggle to want to stay living without him every second of everyday, I know your feelings of feeling it will be easier in your old comfortable ways, I know if I left this world it would be easier, but sweetie were here we have to give a good fight, we are built to survive. God Bless You and I'm praying to my Angel in heaven specially for you. Love