[angeldancer]

sorry for posting so much.

my first and last post here was talking about how i'm planning on getting sober and how i'm staying with a friend to "detox"

its been hard, so hard.

then sunday night i get a phone call from a friend whos absolutely histerical. i drive to where she is and she tells me that our friend jess, a 3 year coke addict had overdosed saturday night, and the guy that was with her panic'd and left her, and her heart stopped.

my first thought was:
"i can't deal with this, i need some coke..NOW"

my second thought was:
"holy **** that could have been me"

and my third thought was:
"i wish it could have been me."

ever since her death. i just can't deal with being clean anymore. everythings so hard. i just feel like theres nothing left anymore.

its hard to describe. but i'm just having a hard time.


thanks for listening

Robyn