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Durango · 07-05-2006, 06:54 AM

I don't believe it's for the right reasons....

He was supposed to have gone in Monday and they didn't have a bed and scheduled him for today. Naturally, he used this as an opportunity to party over the holiday weekend. We (meaning my daughter and I) "rescued" him from one of his drama situations (girlfriend-also A-took his truck hostage by removing the plates) because he said "this is it...I'm going into detox and then going to face the legal issues and get my life back on track". That was on Thursday evening. Friday we called around for a detox hospital and that's when they set it up for Monday. He spent Saturday and Sunday playing golf, going out on a boat to party with his sister and her friends (one who is crazy about him and also gets sucked into helping him). He had picked up his paychecks (only $400 total because he hadn't been working a full week) and this friend deposited them in her checking account, but gave him $100 of it. He KNEW he had to have $350 to check into the hospital on Monday, but when I picked him up to take him on Monday, the $300 was still in her checking account. Like a good co-dependant Mom, I said I would write a check for it and the girl would get the $300 to me later that day, but it's still $50 short and Son's ass is saved AGAIN by everyone else figuring out how to solve HIS problems.

To make a long story short (besides, you've all heard it before), they had no bed, rescheduled it for today (wed) so I took him back to his sister's house where he could party for 2 more days. Now today I'm predicting that he's not going to have ANY money left, so my dilemma is whether I should pay the $350 for him to get admitted when I feel he's only going through this 1. because his insurance will pay the rest of it ($3500) 2. He's going to have to face a judge and possible jail time so he didn't want to detox in jail 3. He feels it will help his case in court if he's shown that he's "trying".

I just don't feel he's wanting to quit drinking, he just wants to get out of trouble. His boss told him he will still have a job when he gets these problems cleared up, so now he's got all these people supporting his efforts when he's really not making any effort. Then I start thinking maybe this time the benefits of sobriety will take hold once his head is clear again so I want to help him at least get through the door. He's got 2 boys (11 & 6) who he loves dearly, but right now the alcohol comes first....he didn't even spend any time with them this weekend knowing he's going to be in the hospital for 10 days, plus possible jail time (for dui's).

I've been on this site since last Thurs. because I need the support of people who understand all sides of this. I dated a guy once who was in recovery for 11 years and found out then what fabulous people recovering alcoholics are! I SO want my son to be one of those people because I know he will be so much happier! I'm doing so so on the detaching and not being co-de, but obviously it's still tugging at me. He's 35 years old and has to do this himself. He went through rehab once (12 days) and that was his first exposure to AA. He seemed to really be "getting it", but when he came out, he didn't go to one meeting, didn't get the meds from his doctor, didn't go to counseling and basically said he couldn't imagine never having a drink again....I guess the one day at a time theory hadn't caught his attention. This is why I don't feel he's going into detox because he want's to quit.

I just need some feedback....your thoughts on this situation. Thanks for listening!

07-05-2006, 06:54 AM	#1 (permalink)
Durango Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Oxford, MI Posts: 33	Son checking into detox, but..... I don't believe it's for the right reasons.... He was supposed to have gone in Monday and they didn't have a bed and scheduled him for today. Naturally, he used this as an opportunity to party over the holiday weekend. We (meaning my daughter and I) "rescued" him from one of his drama situations (girlfriend-also A-took his truck hostage by removing the plates) because he said "this is it...I'm going into detox and then going to face the legal issues and get my life back on track". That was on Thursday evening. Friday we called around for a detox hospital and that's when they set it up for Monday. He spent Saturday and Sunday playing golf, going out on a boat to party with his sister and her friends (one who is crazy about him and also gets sucked into helping him). He had picked up his paychecks (only $400 total because he hadn't been working a full week) and this friend deposited them in her checking account, but gave him $100 of it. He KNEW he had to have $350 to check into the hospital on Monday, but when I picked him up to take him on Monday, the $300 was still in her checking account. Like a good co-dependant Mom, I said I would write a check for it and the girl would get the $300 to me later that day, but it's still $50 short and Son's ass is saved AGAIN by everyone else figuring out how to solve HIS problems. To make a long story short (besides, you've all heard it before), they had no bed, rescheduled it for today (wed) so I took him back to his sister's house where he could party for 2 more days. Now today I'm predicting that he's not going to have ANY money left, so my dilemma is whether I should pay the $350 for him to get admitted when I feel he's only going through this 1. because his insurance will pay the rest of it ($3500) 2. He's going to have to face a judge and possible jail time so he didn't want to detox in jail 3. He feels it will help his case in court if he's shown that he's "trying". I just don't feel he's wanting to quit drinking, he just wants to get out of trouble. His boss told him he will still have a job when he gets these problems cleared up, so now he's got all these people supporting his efforts when he's really not making any effort. Then I start thinking maybe this time the benefits of sobriety will take hold once his head is clear again so I want to help him at least get through the door. He's got 2 boys (11 & 6) who he loves dearly, but right now the alcohol comes first....he didn't even spend any time with them this weekend knowing he's going to be in the hospital for 10 days, plus possible jail time (for dui's). I've been on this site since last Thurs. because I need the support of people who understand all sides of this. I dated a guy once who was in recovery for 11 years and found out then what fabulous people recovering alcoholics are! I SO want my son to be one of those people because I know he will be so much happier! I'm doing so so on the detaching and not being co-de, but obviously it's still tugging at me. He's 35 years old and has to do this himself. He went through rehab once (12 days) and that was his first exposure to AA. He seemed to really be "getting it", but when he came out, he didn't go to one meeting, didn't get the meds from his doctor, didn't go to counseling and basically said he couldn't imagine never having a drink again....I guess the one day at a time theory hadn't caught his attention. This is why I don't feel he's going into detox because he want's to quit. I just need some feedback....your thoughts on this situation. Thanks for listening!