i've experienced some of what you've decribed
I'm glad you are able to tell us about it. Just talking about it here helps you feel better, doesn't it? I always think so.
I always preferred staying home while my AH loved going out. Later I realized I do like going out, but it was the places he chose and the people he chose I didn't really like. And feeling responsible for his behavior. I preferred staying home because going out with my guy always made me feel lousy. He always seemed to be having a blast and I just wanted his attention. I would go because it was the only way to be with him, and I would be more miserable at home alone without him. Then I'd be angry anyway because he wasn't paying attention to me even if I were there. I'd ruin it for both of us.
It's important to think about what you like, and what makes you happy. I have to admit I lost sight of that while I was so busy trying to gain control of my AH. This group helped me to stop obsessing over his actions, feelings and expectations and start thinking about what I want my life to be like.
The biggest hurdle for me was truly accepting that I cannot change him. I really just fooled myself on that one for a long time.
That list is a great idea. I should have done that. Maybe I will.
I am glad you are here and hope this program helps you as it has helped me.