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findingout · 06-30-2006, 02:12 AM

Wow Chip, great post. I can completely relate to "My first thought was to try and figure out what he would want me to say." because that's how I lived for most of my life. It was almost never about how I actually felt and almost always about what I believed would create the best impression of me. For me, one of the positive things about AA is being in a situation where there is no one to impress and no one to hide from.

I guess some could argue that in trying to be the person my higher power wants me to be, I am still doing the same thing - looking outside myself for direction and avoiding the tough question of finding out who I am and who I want to be all by myself and being happy with the answers without any sort of external measuring system. Perhaps there is some truth in that, but at least my higher power doesn't impress easily, can't be lied to, and takes a much longer term view of who I should be. I can ask "OK Higher Power, I've done things your way for a while, can I go back to doing it my way now?" and my Higher Power will reply "Sure, go ahead and do that, I've got all the time in the world. But you don't."

One Love, One Heart,
Tony

06-30-2006, 02:12 AM	#2 (permalink)
findingout Not the center of the Universe Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan Posts: 909	Wow Chip, great post. I can completely relate to "My first thought was to try and figure out what he would want me to say." because that's how I lived for most of my life. It was almost never about how I actually felt and almost always about what I believed would create the best impression of me. For me, one of the positive things about AA is being in a situation where there is no one to impress and no one to hide from. I guess some could argue that in trying to be the person my higher power wants me to be, I am still doing the same thing - looking outside myself for direction and avoiding the tough question of finding out who I am and who I want to be all by myself and being happy with the answers without any sort of external measuring system. Perhaps there is some truth in that, but at least my higher power doesn't impress easily, can't be lied to, and takes a much longer term view of who I should be. I can ask "OK Higher Power, I've done things your way for a while, can I go back to doing it my way now?" and my Higher Power will reply "Sure, go ahead and do that, I've got all the time in the world. But you don't." One Love, One Heart, Tony __________________ Yes, I am an alcoholic. But that's not all that I am...