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chip · 06-29-2006, 11:56 PM

My sponsor asked me how I feel about myself. I didnt know what to say. My first thought was to try and figure out what he would want me to say. My second thought was to honestly seach down inside for the truth. I don't like thinking about how I feel. I'm a chronic escapist. I practice avoidant behaviour. I don't like facing reality.

My name is chip and I'm an alcoholic. I suffer from the disease of denial. When my sponsor asked me how I feel about myself, I couldn't give him an answer. Later, after some thought, I came to the conclusion that I often look outward to decide how I should feel. I look at my success in whatever arena I choose, to measure my self worth. I would've felt great if I could have given him a great answer. I couldn't answer his question, and it made me feel pretty unstable. Later, after a successful night at work, I felt good about myself.

I will throw myself into what ever I have at my disposal to escape myself. When I was practicing my alcoholism, I would throw myself into drinking heavy. Now that I'm sober, I find that I really get into my hobbies, and I find comfort in that.

Here's the good news folks: Today, God (my HP of choice) really helped me out. I had an inspiring meeting, and a very good prayer time today. I've been given a sample of a great peace tonight. By throwing myself at my God, I was relieved of the bondage of myself. I have a disease of extreme selfishness and self involvement. It's deadly if left un-checked. I need God to rescue me from myself. Today, God rescued me. I enjoyed another day of sobriety, and I felt a true sense of purpose.

I feel like this: I want to be the person God wants me to be. If I'm living out God's will, it's the best chance I have to feel alright with who I am. If I become what God wants me to be, I'll be alright. As I sit here, sipping my cold can of pop, I feel pretty good. I'm so thankful for the program of AA, my HP and this website. I'm so thankful that I can write this down here, and affirm my belief in a power greater than myself, and stronger than my addictions.

I wish anybody who reads this peace and serenity.
chip

06-29-2006, 11:56 PM	#1 (permalink)
chip Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: some where / no where Posts: 1,014	how I feel today My sponsor asked me how I feel about myself. I didnt know what to say. My first thought was to try and figure out what he would want me to say. My second thought was to honestly seach down inside for the truth. I don't like thinking about how I feel. I'm a chronic escapist. I practice avoidant behaviour. I don't like facing reality. My name is chip and I'm an alcoholic. I suffer from the disease of denial. When my sponsor asked me how I feel about myself, I couldn't give him an answer. Later, after some thought, I came to the conclusion that I often look outward to decide how I should feel. I look at my success in whatever arena I choose, to measure my self worth. I would've felt great if I could have given him a great answer. I couldn't answer his question, and it made me feel pretty unstable. Later, after a successful night at work, I felt good about myself. I will throw myself into what ever I have at my disposal to escape myself. When I was practicing my alcoholism, I would throw myself into drinking heavy. Now that I'm sober, I find that I really get into my hobbies, and I find comfort in that. Here's the good news folks: Today, God (my HP of choice) really helped me out. I had an inspiring meeting, and a very good prayer time today. I've been given a sample of a great peace tonight. By throwing myself at my God, I was relieved of the bondage of myself. I have a disease of extreme selfishness and self involvement. It's deadly if left un-checked. I need God to rescue me from myself. Today, God rescued me. I enjoyed another day of sobriety, and I felt a true sense of purpose. I feel like this: I want to be the person God wants me to be. If I'm living out God's will, it's the best chance I have to feel alright with who I am. If I become what God wants me to be, I'll be alright. As I sit here, sipping my cold can of pop, I feel pretty good. I'm so thankful for the program of AA, my HP and this website. I'm so thankful that I can write this down here, and affirm my belief in a power greater than myself, and stronger than my addictions. I wish anybody who reads this peace and serenity. chip __________________ One Day At A Time.....