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Don - its getting really hard; I mean with dealing with my PTSD and my recovery. I wasn't just a dope addict; I was also an alcoholic, too. It's hard because not only do I see people around me still high, but just being around my boyfriend and his friends when they drink. I don't want to ask anyone not to drink around me because I'm embarrassed and to be honest, I don't think anyone will take me seriously. I know I will not relapse while I'm pregnant.... thats not really the issue. Like, I got more bad news about my mom yesterday and since then, I've been living in this nightmare and dying from anxiety - I feel sick you know? And seeing all the beer bottles just makes it worse. I used to drink the sickness away; or do drugs to make it go away. Seeing liquer bottles is the worst for me and I had to see one today before work... I don't know I just had to vent a little I guess. It's just starting to be too much.
Since I am approaching my 3rd trimester I'm considering going on a medication. My psychiatrist has told me of some that are safe during pregnancy. I'm nervous about doing this, but I might need to. My PTSD is getting worse, and when it gets bad enough I can become violent after flashbacks. I'm also embarrassed of this - but what can I do? The child I'm carrying is the most important thing - so I'm weighing my options here and I'm thinking of going on one of these meds.
Any comments? Either way... thanks for listening everyone. Just being able to be open, to express myself like this makes me feel like theres hope. Thanks
-The big blue
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