I am 9 days sober, yeah!!!!!!!!!! I dont have a sponsor yet. I am just starting a new job and trying to figure out when I can get to meetings, which ones, etc. I have been to 4 meetings in 6 days, I havent been able to go in days, though. However, I am a very gotta do, gotta do, gotta understand, read, post anything I can get my hands on about all of this. I rededicated myself to God a few months ago and the way things were going in my life I felt that with me being the alcoholic I am (admitted years ago to myself) that I could no longer drink.
Now I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can NEVER drink again, I am not foolish enough to think that my addiction is not what it is. I cant EVER have 2; I never have been able to.
OK OK BLAH BLAH, My thing is, I have no sponsor, and will be attending whatever meetings I can get to. My ?? is I have already started the steps, as I have perceived them, but with no guidance I'm kinda shooting along blindly.
On my 3rd night I was w/d'ing and got up and wrote a long list of things that I am powerless over.
I know I cannot do it myself and I know God has to help me. I have already given myself over to him. I pray every day more than once for Him to help me through the day w/out alcohol, to lift my obsession and/or cravings and to give me patience.
Now i have felt that to myself I would be on step 4. I saw a post about someone w/3months being told they needed more time, and the person posting that comment said, its really whatever you feel as long as you FIRMLY GRASP the others and I think I do. So,the other night, sleepless, (not being able to sleep is common these days) I had another huge epiphany and got a pen and my daughters construction paper LOL and wrote and wrote and wrote about me and how i feel and what I have done to friends' to family members', to myself and how i have felt in the past about friends' family mermbers etc. (moral inventory??), I wrote a huge long list, went to bed and still they were flying through my head. I still have more and more and more, (boy am i really going to have a LOOOOONG time making amends).
Im sorry this is sooo long I am just trying to understand this stuff w/out a sponsor. Could I be ready for step 4 at only 9 days (well, almost 10, 20 min.)
Regardless I darn sure have a start on it. I grasp this stuff, I comprehend, I want, need and damn sure am going to have SOBRIETY. God will do this, I cannot, or else I would have already, obviously. He is DOING this I feel wonderful ( aliitle spacey at times, but no biggy).
I just want to know if I am heading down this path alright. I have God, I have you all and I have the ppl that I have already met at AA, I just dont have anyone to guide me through my steps (aka sponsor, but God will send her to me). BUT I WANT TO DO THEM. (sry didnt mean to yell, i just get very passionate). Anyways, I cant go on anymore, ya'll will stop reading, I could probably go on forever. HELP!!!
Star