[Chance]

My name is Vic and I am a addict, there is no question about that. I have been in counseling here, and most of it is looking at when I was sexually abused at the age of 5 by females. Now I have had a lot going on with this here the past few weeks, dealing with opening up this stuff. Anyway let's cut through the chase here.

I have pretty much since I lost my virginity at the age of 19 but even before that I have been, how do I put this, overly aroused by the opposite sex. I mean OMG I love women, but it seems like since my divorce in 2002, I haven't been in a relationship that has lasted any amount of time. Now during this period and even before 2002, I have pretty much been caught up in pornography, watching XXX rated movies, etc.

Now each time that I have relapsed in the past, first one I almost had two years clean, and the last time I had almost a year clean, that a woman has been involved. Now I am not blaming the women, I am trying to see something here. Anyway I have really stopped the watching of dirty movies, and also magazines, although I started with the magazines, and ended with porno. But since I got sober and clean over a month ago, I have realized that this part of my life was keeping me sick, or so I think that is. I also feel that this very well could be the root or the core of my relapsing, and so does my counselor.

Since then I almost feel that it is OK to do these things, but yet I feel it is wrong. Really confused here, so I was just wondering if anyone else here has gone through that or not. I really could use some input here. Thanks

Love Vic