[Little Missy]

((Bean)) Hang in there. It does get better. I'm glad you posted!! It's good that you are noticing that something is not right. Now you have to find out what it is and take some action!!
I know you've probably heard this before, but that is what works for me. Get a sponsor, read the big book, work the steps, go to meetings, and pray!!

I really threw myself into my recovery at the start. Kind of went at it like gang busters. hehe I listened and learned everything I could about alcoholism from people who have been there done that. I was still very angry and thought I had really been ripped off not to be able to drink anymore. What had I done to deserve this?

Keep posting, get your thoughts out. Let us know where you are at (what step, do you have a sponsor). I personally believe the key is in the steps. Learning about ourselves, and why we think the way we do, our character defects (boy was I shocked!!). In working the steps, I finally found peace. Now that I am at peace with myself, I can be at peace with others and my surroundings.

BTW, you don't have to tell your family about your drinking if you are not ready. If you feel they will be of support then you may want to tell them. But no one understands an alcoholic, like another alcoholic does. They just can't. If there is going to be alcohol there, you may have to stay away. That's your choice. But if you have an uneasy feeling before you go, that may be a sign you are not ready to be around it yet. I have to be spiritually fit to be around alcohol.

I now have a choice on how I behave in my life. I still call others in the program, to get rational thoughts when I'm not thinking straight. Watch out for anger, resentments, ego, self pity. Those are major things for us. Don't isolate. Keep talking and work through things so you can keep moving forward.

Also, list 5 things you are grateful for everyday. Don't repeat them for a week. This gets us to thinking about the little gifts in life that we tend to take for granted. When feeling down or sorry for myself, I'd re-read what I had wrote.

I highlighted things in the Big Book that stuck out to me. When I felt like drinking, I would pick up the book and read the highlighted sections.

Help others!! Get out of self. They say, your mind is like a bad neighborhood, don't go there alone!! Volunteer to make coffee at the meeting. Help clean up after. We can also be of service to others outside of AA. Volunteer at a hospital. Send a card to a friend or family member, just because.

Start a hobby. If your anything like me, I didn't want to do anything that I couldn't drink while doing it. Had to learn to do some activities without drinking. This is a time of self discovery. What is it that you really enjoy doing?

Recovery is a journey, not a destination!!