So... for like the first time in about 10 years, I am seeing someone, and the feelings are very mutual. We've known each other for 2 years, but earlier this month, something changed. I don't know what, why, or how, but the next day, we had our first kiss. Second night, first date, more kisses. Everything was fine, and then I flipped out.
I have real issues with trust. Not only do I have depression, but also PTSD, and I'm an ACoA. Yes, I've been all over these boards!
But my trust issues are what made me flip out, almost cost me this new relationship, and now I feel as if I'm just barely able to shake the negativity loose.
The first time it happened, I was sending text messages to his phone, and he wasn't replying to any of them. He had needed some cash, and I was asking him if he had it or how much he still needed. Long story short, he didn't reply to any of my messages, so when I called his cell phone from a landline, and he answered, I was pretty mad. He came to my house about 30 minutes later, and we sorta made up, but I never got a concrete answer as to why he didn't reply to my messages.
Earlier this week, I wanted to talk to him, so I sent him a text message on his cellular, and asked if he would have any time to see me that day. No reply. I waited a few hours, and then I left another message. I pretty much waited around the house, thinking that he would have time and want to meet me at home, but at 11pm, I was seething. Again, I called his phone, and he answered, was with my best friend (who had just finished work at 11), and his best friend. He's asking me "What did you want to talk to me about?" and I said "I don't want to talk to you while you're with other people!" I don't even remember how the rest of the convo went, but I went to bed pretty mad.
The next day, he tells my friend that he's ready to end things because I'm getting possessive and he felt as if I was attacking him, and other various things. I didn't like hearing that, but truth was that he was pretty close to the mark. The same evening, he and I were able to talk very calmly, understand each other's viewpoint, and we're still seeing each other. But....
I'm still mad. A lot of issues have been unearthed lately, and they have to do with feeling ignored, disregarded, and wondering if he's seeing anyone other than me makes me a little jumpy, too.
I just got put on Wellbutrin XL and Effexor XR, and I've been really feeling good. Now since my doubts and craziness have crept back up on me, I feel like I did before I was on meds.. angry, grumpy, ready to yell at anyone. In fact, I was screaming at my best friend in Wal-Mart's parking lot two nights ago because I didn't feel like he was defending me when this guy went complaining about me to him.
I don't know what to do. Inside, I feel wired, and I can't calm myself down to where I was just two weeks ago. Anyone think it's just my issues that this new 'relationship' has brought to the surface, or should I ask for my dosage to be tweaked? I know I have a lot to work on still, and I might not be ready for a relationship, but I like this guy, and if it doesn't work out, I don't want it to be because the girl I was prior to getting on the right meds has gone crazy and run him off.