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Isabel,
The pain you feel will be nothing compared to the freedom of bondage when you are done. Re-read the 3rd step prayer in the Big Book (chapter 5) before you begin (would be my advice). If you are thoroughly ready to become a different, better person, to strive in directions you never dreamed you might be able to, if you are ready to face up to what may come before you and trudge through the fear...then you are ready for the 4th step.
Everyone has their own way of doing the 4th step. I chose to do my differently, as well. I identified mine by my character defects..that really helped me see MY PART in it. I'd like to be naive, but today, I can't afford to.
My prayers are with you, Isabel, as you walk this beautiful journey. I didn't spend long dedicating hours and hours to this. Set aside an hour at a time to write. Then put it aside and carry it with you. More stuff will come to you throughout the day. Write it down as you remember. No need for it to be a novel. Just thoroughly identify the overall story so you can re-call it easily for whomever you choose to share it with (5th step). Give yourself a 2-3 day cap on writing stuff. Don't worry. This WON'T be your LAST one, if you continue with sobriety. We don't have to do the 4th step perfectly. We learn each time what works best and go from there. The important thing is that YOU ARE DOING IT!!!
Blessings,
Jen
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