[ranae1221]

hi mel,

i am so sorry for the pain you have been in.....3 years is a long time to love someone, and those feelings don't go away as fast as we may want them to.

have you looked into therapy or counseling? a good therapist can help you process those feelings and help you learn good ways to cope them them. staying away from your home right now sounds like a good plan. if you need some distance because the memories are too painful, then that is what you should do.

do you have health insurance? you can call the plan and see what benefits they have for counseling or therapy, they should also be able to give you some names that they are contracted with.

if you don't have health insurance, many of the local county mental health clinics offer services on a sliding scale fee according to your income. if you belong to a church, sometimes the churches also have counseling services.

you must be in a lot of pain right now.......i am not going to try to say "it'll get better" or " just give it time" because honestly, i don't like when people say that to me! but i would say give therapy a try.......what do you have to lose? Nothing!!! But you have a whole lot you could gain!

I hope you find some peace in your heart today....even if it is just for a minute or two....know that there are people who care....who haven't ever met you but still care!

keep coming back here and let us know how you are doing. if writing or venting helps, keep doing it! i have done that several times on here and always get kind replies. Plus it always feels better to get it out than keep it in.