| Ptsd
First off I just wanted to say hello to everyone; it's been atleast 4 months since I posted. Since then I've gotton clean and have straightened my Diabetes out... I was on the road to kidney failure and other problems, now I'm more on the road to recovery. Also, I must add that I am on the road to motherhood; I'm a few days shy of being 6 months pregnant.
Since I've gotton clean I have become quite sure that the symptoms of my Bi-Polar were only symptomatic of my being an addict. I still have some issues that concern me with this, but either way I'm thankful for all of the positive things, mentally I have seen with quitting.
However, I still have the same challenge that I've been handeling since I can remember: my post-traumatic stress disorder.
Another significant change in my life since I've known of my pregnancy and have been clean is my mother's health decline. I know that it has had a direct impact on my PTSD. Not just from my father's death, but from being a caregiver in a nursing home for the last few years.
I woke up this morning, and after about an hour of thinking I realized something. I have these dreams - they're nightmareish but thats not it - they all have these certain feelings to them and after I wake up I feel these feelings all day very intensely. On my bad days I feel like I'm living in these nightmares. I feel this strong feeling of guilt and I have a paralyzing anxiety problem.
I used to post on this website specifically for my PTSD and it really helped. I think the hardest thing right now is I don't have anyone in my family to talk to about my mom. I can never get ahold of my brother and I haven't talked to any of my cousins in years. I don't really enjoy talking to people I know because they sympathize - and sympathy isn't really what I'm wanting right now.
If anyone has any comment on any of this it would be very appreciated if it were shared.
Thanks
Bluberry
|