Emmer--
I am no expert on it, but weaning off of effexor can be a slow process. Give yourself a lot of time. I have been there, done that with the depression, not having an opinion nor any energy to do anything. I feel the same exact way about killing myself--thought about it and dismissed it for the mere fear of it.
I had to "go through" this process and the hardest part is getting through the going through. I had a therapist but I moved to another state. I now need one and I am going to travel 40 miles one way to see him once a week.
Do you have a therapist? Someone to talk to?
You are correct in your observation that no one was meant to live like this.
We deserve and are entitled to peace...joy and contentment. Sometimes we have to dig deep within to help ourselves out of the hole. The mere thought of you knowing your discontent is a good thing and a start to helping yourself. Please talk to someone. You are so worthy of a good life.
Peace to you. If you need to talk, PM me anytime. I am a good listener.
Prayers,
Wolfstarr