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chica24 · 06-16-2003, 11:34 PM

I'm new to this so I don't really know what I am doing. But I needed somewhere to vent, or at least where other people might be able to understand what I am going thru.

I'm only 19, and I've had depression and anixety for a number of years, since about 13 when I tried to commit suicide. Thankfully, I'm over sucidial feelings but now I just feel so drained. My suicide episode was over 5 years ago, and things go up and down.

I was diagnosied with anixety and depression last summer. At that time, my life was out of control. I was throwing up every day when I would have an anixety attack, I couldn't sleep at night, I was using marijuiana, and bouncing from guy to guy. The doctor put me on Effexor and for a while things evened themseleves out. I went back to college, and straightened myself out. I still had some depression lurking around but it was easier to supress at school.

But for about the last three months, things are fully started again. I had a messy break-up with my boyfriend that left me heartbroken and utterly confused. Closure hasn't really been allowed yet, considering a variety of things.

But I think that is just what started the whole thing. Since leavng college again, I've come back home and now all I do is either sleep and feel sorry for myself or go out and party, doing things I shouldn't be doing.

I used to be a causal pot smoker but I have turned into smoking every single day and whenever I'm upset. I've moved on to Ectasy, which I have found has given me a longer time to numb. Worse off, I'm back to my old ways with men. I'm bouncing between two guys right now, unprotected with both. I've been diagnoised with being hypersexual, but it's like I can't stop myself.

I need that love and attention, and I think my behavior with drugs and men is just for that attention. I know I am depressed and I know I need help, but most of the people in my life don't know the full extent of how I feel. And it isn't easy to tell them, considering this has been a reoccuring problem that I have always slipped back into but NEVER managed to beat. Sometimes I just don't know what to do anymore.

06-16-2003, 11:34 PM	#1 (permalink)
chica24 Paused Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: CT Posts: 2	No energy at all I'm new to this so I don't really know what I am doing. But I needed somewhere to vent, or at least where other people might be able to understand what I am going thru. I'm only 19, and I've had depression and anixety for a number of years, since about 13 when I tried to commit suicide. Thankfully, I'm over sucidial feelings but now I just feel so drained. My suicide episode was over 5 years ago, and things go up and down. I was diagnosied with anixety and depression last summer. At that time, my life was out of control. I was throwing up every day when I would have an anixety attack, I couldn't sleep at night, I was using marijuiana, and bouncing from guy to guy. The doctor put me on Effexor and for a while things evened themseleves out. I went back to college, and straightened myself out. I still had some depression lurking around but it was easier to supress at school. But for about the last three months, things are fully started again. I had a messy break-up with my boyfriend that left me heartbroken and utterly confused. Closure hasn't really been allowed yet, considering a variety of things. But I think that is just what started the whole thing. Since leavng college again, I've come back home and now all I do is either sleep and feel sorry for myself or go out and party, doing things I shouldn't be doing. I used to be a causal pot smoker but I have turned into smoking every single day and whenever I'm upset. I've moved on to Ectasy, which I have found has given me a longer time to numb. Worse off, I'm back to my old ways with men. I'm bouncing between two guys right now, unprotected with both. I've been diagnoised with being hypersexual, but it's like I can't stop myself. I need that love and attention, and I think my behavior with drugs and men is just for that attention. I know I am depressed and I know I need help, but most of the people in my life don't know the full extent of how I feel. And it isn't easy to tell them, considering this has been a reoccuring problem that I have always slipped back into but NEVER managed to beat. Sometimes I just don't know what to do anymore.