Hi all - I never have been in this room but I stop to read through some postings and with that decided to post something my self. I am a VERY GRATEFUL recovering addict and have been since 2/21/04, but with that I am having a LOT of hows and whys.
I am wondering HOW it is I have work to hard at becoming clean and am VERY happy that I have gotten rid of the drug use, but WHY is it I am having a VERY hard time with letting my AH go?
I am in NA and AA nad some other a lot more often so some of you may know of me and ALL the drama in my life. My AH is like a bad drug, and he is also a recovering addict, but he keeps having slips, and after the last slip in Feb I have grown apart from him, I filed for a divorce July 05 becasue my AH had me arrested for calling him a few time in one day and asking to go to marrraige counsling (he considered that a form harrassment). I have SOLE Custody of our son & he has supervised visits & that all came from the home studies that we done.
We started getting close again (we have lived seperate sine Feb 05), he is trying to make me believe he is working the program, but the minute he didn't get his way and he got violated on his probation, he got pissed at me and replied to the divorce, an we have to make the next appearance August 8th. MY AH is telling me, well demanding that I DROP the supervised visit and a part of me wants to except I get scared that he is going to have a relapse once again and our little guy (almost 4) will be subjected to the negative actions and it SCARES me! AH says if I drop it he will pull OUT of the dicvorce. My family is pushing for the divorce and I am confused.
Sorry for going on and on, I just have all the UGLY what ifs in my head. If anyone has any advice our guidence it would be GREATLY appriciated.
Happy Memorial Day.
~Ro~