[jpal]

Take this very seriously. I suffer from depression myself and used alcohol as a way of escape. But the drinking doesn't make anything better, in fact it only intensifies things. When I was drinking I could feel the pain of depression all the more. I seemed fine as well the next day-but that was only because I was no longer under the influence of alcohol and could hide the depression better. Depressed people find ways of getting through the day, going through the motions if you will, just so that they don't have to deal with people asking them if they are all right etc. It was too stressful for me to have to lie to my friends and family about the depression. It was easier to fool them into thinking everything was ok. That way I didn't have to deal with it. Sounds like your husband might be trying to do the same kind of thing. Acting like everythings ok-when it's not. Only when he has a few drinks his true feelings come out. The drinking is a way of self medicating. I know that's what I did.
If he mentions suicide that means he IS thinking about it. How close to actually doing it is an unknown but you can be sure that sometimes he feels like it wouldn't really matter if he died. I know there were times when I didn't care if I lived or died. I used to think that if there was an accident and I was killed that it'd be ok with me because I wouldn't have to think about my problems anymore. The decision of whether to kill myself or not would be taken out of my hands so to speak. So from that kind of attitude to actually killing yourself is not too far a road. Your husband needs help. He needs treatment for his depression. Try talking to him when he is sober and showing him some books or websites about depression. I know there are a lot of them out there. There are some with quizzes you can take about how you are feeling and about the "symptoms" have. I took some of those and they really helped me to see that I had a problem. It helped me to put a label on what was wrong with me when before I just thought I was crazy and there was no help. It was good to know that what my problem was a "real" thing and that lots of people had it. And that there was treatment. He may not even realize that he can get help and that there is a better way of life out there. Now don't think that he will magically see the light........it took me a long time to realize and to accept that I was depressed. There is still stigma attached to mental illness and not many people want to admit to themselves that they have a mental illness. Don't badger him or force him to admit that he needs help. He needs to accept that he has a problem on his own terms and that can take a while. Encourage him to see a doctor about it because they are very good at explaining the illness in medical/biological terms that will help him to see that it really is an illness. Doesn't have to be a shrink either.......(that may put him off.) Just let him know that you are there for him and will help anyway you can. Also let him know that you won't think any less of him for having a mental illness. I say WON"T because you don't want to TELL him he has a mental illness-aproach the subject more along the lines of..... do you think this might be whats going on/what do you think about this/maybe we should look into this?? I know when people tried to tell me I was depressed and needed help I took it as a personal attack and it just made things worse. A lot of it really depends on what kinda mood he is in when you talk to him which is why you are probably going to have to make several attempts before he sees that he has a treatable illness. Also a good thing for you to know is that depression REALLY is like a roller coaster. There will be some periods where your husband is a lot more "down" than others. When he is "up" he may even seem very much like his old self because he can handle things better then. At those times he will be more apt to have a positive attitude about seeking treatment because he can think more clearly about the situation. You just have to watch him and try to help anyway you can. And if he seems very down and suicidal you should take him to the emergency room. They will make sure that he doesn't go through with the suicide and help to get treatment started. Its a tough situation for you both to be in, but just know that many people have been there and gotten better. I wish you all the strength and luck in the world. And remember there is always someone here to help.