[Nina Kay]

Thank you so much for being so understanding, BSP & meli. You are both so right about this being such a really tough battle to fight. What a nightmare rollercoaster ride.
I have gone to a therapist before and that may be something that I do again in the near future. Right now, I'm still working off of the med. that I'm taking, grain by grain, so it'll still be a while before I'm not taking anything. I have alot of trouble with isolating. I'm not working outside the home, so I can isolate so easy. I don't answer the phone or show up at meetings. I haven't been able to make myself even go to the grocery store for a long while now. My hubby will go for me whenever I want him to. That's good and not good. I even have my sleeping patterns so messed up and that causes my eating patterns to be worse. I skip taking showers and getting dressed alot of times. Today I did have a much better day. My daughter and grandkids came and they always make me feel better, but while I'm with them, I can't get anything done, so I am depressed also because I haven't done anything productive. My health is horrible and I know that it's making my depression so much worse. Anyway, today I made myself take a shower and dress and put on some makeup because they were coming. That in itself made me feel so much better. I always know that it will, too, but I still can't seem to make myself do it most days. I just need to be alot more self-disciplined. I know that too, but dealing with it is just not seeming to happen.
Oh well, it feels good to get this out. It makes me feel like I'm starting to do something about it when I type it out, because it's like I'm making a plan of action. I'm calling myself out on it all.