I'm sorry you're never feeling happy, AnnieUnix, that must be a horrible feeling.

Have you looked into counseling? I believe right away meds are helpful for your condition and that you don't feel like ever stopping taking 'em but mostly a combination of therapy and medication does the trick. Some Cognetive Behavior Therapy (CBT) and/or Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) might be useful, I read a lot from SMART Recovery's website it really made em change the way I look at things.

It basically comes down to accepting yourself just as you are, unconditional self acceptance.
Oh btw if ya live near Virginia Tech in VA, I might have some resources about the whole therapy thing for you, if you don't, then nevermind I guess, lol.