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Preciouz -
At first when I read your post, everything in me wanted to get so angry. How dare he try to blame ANYTHING on you. This is so typical of a addict of any kind. They mess up and then blame you for it.
But having been in Alanon for 5 short little months, therapy for most of my life, and a Buddhist for 15 years, I won't give in to the anger. Instead I will say this.
My father was an alcoholic all his life. Died 12 years ago as an alcoholic. How very very sad for him. Yes, for HIM. I had nothing to do with it, in the same way YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. Life is about choices. Everyone decides what they want to do, or not to do. How to react and how to not react. Alcoholism is an addiction and a disease. Yes, you heard me correctly, a DISEASE. No different than diabetes, cancer, parkinsons, you name it, it is a disease. And what's more, it is a disease of families. This comes straight from Alanon. Once someone has the disease of an addiction, EVERYONE around him/her gets affected. Everyone!!!!!
If you don't belive that, ask yorself how YOUR doing?
Therapy is wonderful. I recommend it whole-heartedly. I have been going on-off for many years. But it does not address the one thing it can't. Alcoholism. Simply because YOU are not the alcoholic. You dad should be there in therapy quite frankly. What you need is Alanon. Period!
Find yourself a local meeting or two, and get yourself there ASAP. That will be your saving grace, this I can promise you.
I went to many a shrink for years asking what I did wrong. The real answer is I did NOTHING wrong. I only experienced what I was shown and taught, and now I have to live with those effects, and deal with them as best as I can. Therapy now is a godsend. But Alanon is the gift I have been waiting for all my life.
And here is the great thing. You don't have to stay if you don't like it. They will tell you in your first meeting, try several meetings. Give yourself a chance by trying at least six meetings before you decide if it is right for you. Try different meetings because each one has it's own flavor of people, style, etc.. They will also tell you "take what you like and leave the rest". You are not asked to believe in anything. It is ALL about your own experience. See if it works for you, that's all.
When I first started 5 months ago, I was a wreck. I had hit the last end of a tangled rope. My mom and best friend died, and my close friend left me.
I went to my first meeting hardly able to speak, almost in tears, and confused, scared and lonely. In my first meeting I met people just like me. Same problems, same circumstances, you name it. And I also noticed people ther who actually seemed at peace. THIS is what I wanted for myself. Have all my life too. Peace!
Try six meetings and if you don't like it, leave. I can promise you from my experience and that of so many others I have met in person and on this board, it will change your life.
Remember, insanity is doing the same things over and over, and expecting different results. You've got nothing to lose except the pain. Your dad will keep doing what he's been doing, and he'll get exactly what he puts out. So YOU be the difference. Take care of yourself, keep the focus on yourself, do whatever it takes to help yourself. GO to Alanon!
Then keep comin' back!
Ken
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