[tryingtolive]

I have felt "not right" for about 5 years. Started my Senior year in high school and I am not 22 and a senior in College. I have been on a few ssri's but I didn't notice any change in the way I was feeling. Possibly because I was getting completly shitfaced 3 out of the 7 nights of the week. Anyway here are my symptoms and thoughts.



I have brain fog, this prevents me from thinking clear and I can't concentrate. Reading is next to impossible, unless it is something about addiction or mental health of course. Then I read it twice. LOL

Along with brain fog I have these aches and pains in my head. It feels like my brain is being poked with a needle.

I also see the world different (I only seem to notice it at night when I look at street lights, the seem very blurry) it is like I see the world through the eyes of someone who is high but I don't have any good effects.

I am not comfortable in most social situations. I am always nervous about what I am going to say or how I will be received by people. I still force myself to go and try because I don't like to sit at home I used to be very popular in highschool. Teachers would complain to my mom that I was always talking in class. Why do I feel so strange in social situaltions now? This bothers me the most. My social life is pretty ****** when it used to be great.

I have pretty low self esteem but I try to convince myslef and others that I don't.

I am a sensitive person. I think that I over react sometimes. I don't like being critized. I probably wouldn't mind being critisized or being made fun of I felt better cuz I would feel good inside and wouldn't care about what others thoght..to an extent.

I want everyone to like me. Well I guess a better way to say that would be that I don't want anyone to not like me.

I joined a fraternity and lived in the frat house but I would do things to try to avoid people. I would stay in my room a lot. I would just feel uncomfotable.

If I feel like I am being attacked I will snap and get extremly upset. I am irritable and on edge a lot.

I am also very critical of the way I look. I feel that dispite my best efforts I still don't look good. Deep down though I do feel as though I am attractive.

I feel like other people think that I am strange or stupid. I feel that I am smart. I am pretty good at trivia, chess, and puzzles.



I guess that is all I can think of right now. I just hate feeling uncomfortable. It is not just around people it is most all the time.

I would love to hear people thoughts on what I am going through. Please, I am desperate. I am begging to think that I won't feel better and I am starting to lose hope. My doc started me on Pexeva today (generic paxil i think) but I don't really have much hope that it will work. I also bought St. JOHN'S WORT. Anyone know about St. Johns wort? I have heard some people say that it work wonders for them. Can I take St. Johns wort with paxil?

Thank you for reading.