kleenfree

I was searching the internet for information on sponsor/sponsee male/female "do's and don'ts." I am a female and have been sober for nearly 17 months. I found my sponsor 9 months ago and he happened to be a 24 year sober man. I knew that they say in the program that it would be wise to get the same sex gender but because of the abuses I suffered as a child by a "male" (dad) I feel God led me to seek this individual. Over the past 9 months I have seen how a good and honorable man is supposed to be as I had no good role models shown to me when I was young. I have a boyfriend of 7 years who is not an addict or alcoholic and he can't help me on my road to recovery as a man who knows the road could.

I look at my sponsor as a very trusting and kind individual. He has helped me greatly in my recovery and I have been to his home and visited with his mom. There has never been anything more than friendship between us. Now I feel as I move forward and am gaining the tools for my own independance it has come to a time where I need to work with a female sponsor and am keeping my eyes open for one. I do believe in some cases, the gender difference can be of some help to some as I know in my case it has been a great benefit as I now have learned how to look for a man of honor as I have seen one displayed for me.

If your boyfriend loves you then you can't lose him. You could lose him by not trusting him as who likes that? Trust is the number one top ingredient in successful relationships. Don't get me wrong as I totally understand where you are coming from but I also know we can't let our mind take us to places that causes harm in not only ourselves but in our relationships. We all know how destructive that can be. My advice to you is to give him the space to do what he needs to do. Come at him differently with love, support and acceptance and push the jeolousy aside with the positive and kind thoughts as that is the way to re-establishing your bond with him. It's like anything in life, the more we push for what we want, the more we lose what we really want. Once you let go and accept this I bet he will move forward to you with more love and understanding for your feelings. At least in my life, that is what I've discovered.

Remember, jeolousy is a green demon. Once it awakens in our thoughts it grows and grows and most of it is completely unfounded. We can look for any little thing and create our own "reality" just by our own insecurities.

Hope it works out for you and I know how much you love him as you have been with him 7 years as I have had my boyfriend for the same amount of time.