Well Highlight, I have been sober almost 25 years now, and to my knowledge it has always been SUGGESTED that men work with men and women work with women.
When I read your post, I have to admit 'red flags' did go off for me. Many times in working with my sponsees especially when its one on one, and early in their recovery, we will go to a coffee shop, so that the session does not feel so intense to them. Yes, I do have sponsees over to the house when needed, however, again I am a woman, and I work with women. Yes I have had sponsees call me at all hours of the day or night, non sponsees also when they are in trouble.
I cannot tell you what to do, however, if it were me, I would come right out and 1. ask him why he is working with women, when it is STRONGLY SUGGESTED that men work with men and women with women and 2. tell him how 'uncomfortable' this whole sponsee thing with women was making me. I would then see what kind of response I got, and would probably know in my gut, having been with the guy for 7 years, what was really going on.
JMHO garnered from my E S & H.
Love and (((((to all))))),