[ranae1221]

Hi! I can relate to quite a bit of what you are feeling. I am 25, and have been diagnosised with ADD, Depression, Bipolar, PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder (what a mess huh?? )

I also am able to "fake" feelings, telling people what I know they want to hear to make them happy. And for a long time I was very good at it. But when you stuff your real feelings in, and keep doing this for a long time, eventually they find a way to come out, and that is when you feel like you can't control them. Don't get me wrong, I still do this, more that I should. But I have also been able to learn better ways at coping with my real feelings so that it doesn't get to that "exploding" stage.

You say you have had professional help in the past that didn't work. Why didn't it work? Were you able to find a therapist that fit you? I went through several therapists before I found one that I was comfortable with. Did you just not agree with their recommendations/style of treatment?

I also was seeking "help" for years and nothing seemed to "fix" me. Medications, therapists, doctors, inpatient treatment, you name it I did it. Eventually I was able to find a therapist that clicked with me. We actually worked together for 3 years before stopping therapy, and stopping was my choice at the time.

Are you taking any medications for the depression? Anything as a mood stabilizer? Have you tried any in the past? Did they help? Not help?

I don't really have much advice on the relationship part, as I have not been succesful in that department and have sworn off love anyway. But I do feel that you need to work on you before you can be successful in a relationship of any kind, whether it be a friendship, romantic relationship, family, etc.

If you are unhappy with the way your life is right now, what is stopping you for getting the help you need to change it, to learn healthier ways of coping?