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mebguy · 04-17-2006, 10:00 AM

i am here seeking help i guess, i know something isnt right, it hasnt been for years. I am 24 now, when I was younger I was diagnosed with ADHD/Depression/Anti Social Personality Disorder/and a couple others, I was treated for the ADHD and Depression, but nothing seemed to help with how I felt. I am in a long term relationship, and at this point it is hanging be a very fine thread. I have been unfaithful recently and have disclosed this to my partner. I have hurt her incredibly, and I dont really feel the remorse I think I should. I am able, very well I might add, to fake these feelings and say the right things to start to make things better, but deep down I know I really dont care what I have done, it doesnt bother me, and actually makes me proud that I was able to get away with it. I have always had feelings like this. I dont know that I have ever truely felt remorse, but rather faked these sort of feelings of someone elses amusement, because I know that if I dont the relationship [whatever it may be] would be over. and I really dont care if the relationship is over, never really have, but I know I need something from the other person, in this case my girlfriend. I feel completely out of control, like I am very quickly losing grip and dont know how to stop it. I have a very difficult time focusing on one thing at a time, a very difficult time gathering my thoughts, but when I can do these things, I can accomplish anything I try. I have mixed feelings, at times I feel extremly confident and others I feel so low I cannot imagine going on any further. I dont know what is causing me to feel the way I do and haev for a very long time, but I know I need to fix something. For years I felt I had control of what I felt, I was able to keep it together in every situation, but lately I feel myself losing grip more and more often. I dont want to seek professional help, have been there before many times, unsuccessfully. I just, well i dont know what I want, but I want to feel something better than this. I want to feel like I am able to keep myself in control. I need help. I dont have a very close relationship with anyone in my life, and I dont feel like I am missing anything there. This may sound crazy I dont know, but I know something is wrong and I guess this is me crying for help...

04-17-2006, 10:00 AM	#1 (permalink)
mebguy hello Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Aurora, CO Posts: 2	hello i am here seeking help i guess, i know something isnt right, it hasnt been for years. I am 24 now, when I was younger I was diagnosed with ADHD/Depression/Anti Social Personality Disorder/and a couple others, I was treated for the ADHD and Depression, but nothing seemed to help with how I felt. I am in a long term relationship, and at this point it is hanging be a very fine thread. I have been unfaithful recently and have disclosed this to my partner. I have hurt her incredibly, and I dont really feel the remorse I think I should. I am able, very well I might add, to fake these feelings and say the right things to start to make things better, but deep down I know I really dont care what I have done, it doesnt bother me, and actually makes me proud that I was able to get away with it. I have always had feelings like this. I dont know that I have ever truely felt remorse, but rather faked these sort of feelings of someone elses amusement, because I know that if I dont the relationship [whatever it may be] would be over. and I really dont care if the relationship is over, never really have, but I know I need something from the other person, in this case my girlfriend. I feel completely out of control, like I am very quickly losing grip and dont know how to stop it. I have a very difficult time focusing on one thing at a time, a very difficult time gathering my thoughts, but when I can do these things, I can accomplish anything I try. I have mixed feelings, at times I feel extremly confident and others I feel so low I cannot imagine going on any further. I dont know what is causing me to feel the way I do and haev for a very long time, but I know I need to fix something. For years I felt I had control of what I felt, I was able to keep it together in every situation, but lately I feel myself losing grip more and more often. I dont want to seek professional help, have been there before many times, unsuccessfully. I just, well i dont know what I want, but I want to feel something better than this. I want to feel like I am able to keep myself in control. I need help. I dont have a very close relationship with anyone in my life, and I dont feel like I am missing anything there. This may sound crazy I dont know, but I know something is wrong and I guess this is me crying for help...