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historyteach · 04-14-2006, 06:28 AM

Yea, I've come through it Mike.
But, I'm battered and bruised by it.

Ann, perhaps you're right. It may indeed cause change.
But, why am I the one to have to go through it?

Haven't I gone through enough already? Is my entire life supposed to be shyte? Always getting battered down? Why? What did *I* do to deserve this crap which just continues to go on and on and on...in my life.

Yes, I'm being a jerk right now.

I spoke to my career counselor about a change of profession. I've mentioned it before. And we've discussed different ideas.
And ya know I've thought of drug and alcohol counseling. And yesterday, it came to me that I just don't want that type of hassle in my life anymore. I don't want to be the dump on person.
I want ease. I want to do my job; do it well and be respected for what I do well. I'm tired of any Tom, Dick or Harry with no knowledge of what I do daily, coming in and crapping all over me. I'm tired of it all.
I need some peace.

I've worked and worked and worked on letting go. On regaining my serenity. And then something like this happens. I've dealt with addiction most of my life. I've lost everything meaningful, meaning my family, to addiction. And when that area of my life starts to get settled, more shyte happens.

My tenent is always late on the rent, and has harmed my credit as a result. When my car broke down, I didn't get the rent until the 20th of the month. THis month, late again. In January, late. When I called this month, he friggin YELLED at me!!! That's why the house is up for sale. He's giving ME shyte when HE'S wrong?

Same with the dean and the principal. They both made BAD decisions, and wouldn't let it go until I was harmed. Yea, the dean is in hiding now; the principal has turned around. BUt, to the kids in the school, it's too late. I'm a laughing stock. I still have to put up with their shyte that is a direct result of this crap. There are some kids,(people too), who, when they smell a weakness, go for the jugglar. And I'm still dealing with this every day. So, though the dean and principal are not the problems anymore, I'm still dealing with the consequences of it. ANd it's not going to change for the rest of the year. It's too late.

And that's why I'm angry! And hurt. And disgusted.
And I'm sorry.
But, it's not over for me.

And I want it to stop.
And now, I'm feeling like I did before. Not wanting to kill myself, but, wishing I was already dead.

You are being so kind to me; so supportive. And I'm sitting here crying again over this stuff.

Thanks for your help...and kind words.

This too will end, I know.
But, I'm afraid of what's coming next....

Tantrum over...

Shalom!

04-14-2006, 06:28 AM	#7 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 9,303	Yea, I've come through it Mike. But, I'm battered and bruised by it. Ann, perhaps you're right. It may indeed cause change. But, why am I the one to have to go through it? Haven't I gone through enough already? Is my entire life supposed to be shyte? Always getting battered down? Why? What did I do to deserve this crap which just continues to go on and on and on...in my life. Yes, I'm being a jerk right now. I spoke to my career counselor about a change of profession. I've mentioned it before. And we've discussed different ideas. And ya know I've thought of drug and alcohol counseling. And yesterday, it came to me that I just don't want that type of hassle in my life anymore. I don't want to be the dump on person. I want ease. I want to do my job; do it well and be respected for what I do well. I'm tired of any Tom, Dick or Harry with no knowledge of what I do daily, coming in and crapping all over me. I'm tired of it all. I need some peace. I've worked and worked and worked on letting go. On regaining my serenity. And then something like this happens. I've dealt with addiction most of my life. I've lost everything meaningful, meaning my family, to addiction. And when that area of my life starts to get settled, more shyte happens. My tenent is always late on the rent, and has harmed my credit as a result. When my car broke down, I didn't get the rent until the 20th of the month. THis month, late again. In January, late. When I called this month, he friggin YELLED at me!!! That's why the house is up for sale. He's giving ME shyte when HE'S wrong? Same with the dean and the principal. They both made BAD decisions, and wouldn't let it go until I was harmed. Yea, the dean is in hiding now; the principal has turned around. BUt, to the kids in the school, it's too late. I'm a laughing stock. I still have to put up with their shyte that is a direct result of this crap. There are some kids,(people too), who, when they smell a weakness, go for the jugglar. And I'm still dealing with this every day. So, though the dean and principal are not the problems anymore, I'm still dealing with the consequences of it. ANd it's not going to change for the rest of the year. It's too late. And that's why I'm angry! And hurt. And disgusted. And I'm sorry. But, it's not over for me. And I want it to stop. And now, I'm feeling like I did before. Not wanting to kill myself, but, wishing I was already dead. You are being so kind to me; so supportive. And I'm sitting here crying again over this stuff. Thanks for your help...and kind words. This too will end, I know. But, I'm afraid of what's coming next.... Tantrum over... Shalom! __________________ IMAGINE