[toosweet]

Hi, heartache. Yep, being codependent relates to having grown up in an alcoholic home, no doubt about it. I did as well and am codependent as well. Last Fall, I hit a sort of crisis point in my own pain at my codependent behaviors. I checked into a motel and read the book Women Who Love Too Much from cover to cover and then came home and read Codependent No More. Both could have been written about me. (If you haven't already, I would urge you to read them both.) I married a very disturbed gay man, divorced him after years of emotional abuse and finally figuring out that I couldn't fix him, having put our child through our Hell, and entered into relationships with more disturbed men, either emotionally unavailable, mentally ill, or addicts. I discovered I couldn't fix any of them, and that they couldn't love me really. It was after that last painful situation with the addict that I came to terms with my own problem, codependency. Sure, I can justify it by listing the many horrible ways in which I was abused as a child, but all that does is explain how I came to be that way. I have to change, for my own sake, for the sake of my children, and really to stop enabling any other man to whom my attempts at help are more harmful than good. I am working on it, and reading those books and understanding the ways in which we interact with others which are codependent, unhealthy behaviors is so freeing. I have a long way to go, but I am determine that withing the relationship I am now in, with a man I love, I will not fall into my caretaking ways. You may decide to stay in or leave this relationship you are now in, and hopefully your children are safe. If you do stay, it will be helpful to you to know what you're dealing with in terms of codependency. Reading Codependent No More would be a tremendous help, as well as finding an NA support group in your area and being here and reading and posting and learning. Welcome to the group!