[Nina Kay]

Angie,
Thank you so much for your response. I do feel like I need to work the steps with this in mind.

tkdan,
I really appreciate your response and it helped me alot to know that there are others who have been through this, because I feel like I'm losing my mind. Knowing others have gone through this makes me feel like it's a more of a normal human thing. I am sorry to hear that your wife had to go through this though. I have such turmoil going on inside of me constantly with all of these emotions that I don't know how to get settled. I'll think that I have it figured out every now and then, but then I'll suddenly start second-guessing my decisions again, and then I'm right back in a tail-spin.

My kids and my grandkids are so wonderful and I love them so much that I want to be a part of everything they do. I want them to know how special that they are and that they come first with me. But I can't seem to get involved with anything for myself, because everytime I do, something comes up with them, large or small, during the same time as something that I'm involved in is happening and then starts the uproar inside of me. I then start thinking that I just shouldn't have taken on something for me because it interferes with their things. So I can never be committed to anything that I'm doing and that makes me really hesitate to get into any kind of commitments for myself. I'm always afraid that I won't be able to carry through. I don't know how other people find that balance. Thank you for saying that it's really okay for me to love myself and have a life of my own too. Now if I could just get to the place in my mind and heart where I really could accept that and believe it and act on it without guilt. Your wife is very blessed to have you to be so caring and understanding.