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Old 06-28-2005, 04:20 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
BigSis
On a tear
 
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
When Mr. BigSis and I were counseling for domestic violence, we both had to make up lists of abuse that had occured.... they gave us a cheat sheet -

Physical - Touching that hurts in any way
Emotional - Verbal abuse
Social - Embarassing another/ridicule/pressuring in public
Financial - withholding or controlling finances
Sexual - unwanted touching/unwanted sex

At the time, I was surprised by both the categories for Financial abuse and Social abuse - and I thought I was pretty well-read. I was also far along the path of "allowing", which was entirely MY responsibility.

A note: the most powerful thing anyone EVER said to me during the worst times was NOT 'get out and get out, now'... I KNEW that was the answer. It was a wise counselor who asked me to write down why I stayed - and every reason was valid. I found I stayed for financial reasons, because I feared failure, and because I feared confrontation. She listened to my list and told me that it was perfectly OK to return home that day, as long as I realized that it was my CHOICE to return home - for all those very good reasons on my list. So I did. But after that day, I never again felt "trapped", I knew in my heart that I had chosen to be there and, when I was ready, I could choose to leave.

As some of you know, he left first. And then the REAL work began!

BigSis
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