SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post

ranae1221 · 03-24-2006, 06:56 PM

I have been able to recognize that I am walking on a dangerous path right now. The hoplessness has been so overwhelming, I have really been fighting my urges to just give up on life. I am doing everything I can think of to fight this, and I am not even sure why.

I do have a history of depression and have been on meds for the last 4 years. The doctor recently increased it again, but I think it is a lost cause. I decided to try therapy again, I was seeing a counseler for almost 3 years when I quit, and it did really help. (I quit because at the time I had come as far as I could with the current therapist). I call my insurance, trying to do this "the right way". What a joke. There are 3 contracted providers, I call 2 of them 4 days ago and no one has called me back. The 3rd one, is a male. According to my insurance as long as he is taking new patients (which he is) then I have to see him, they will not work to find someone else in my area.

I WILL not see a male therapist. Therapists always want to know about the "childhood", and I can not talk about most of it to a guy. I have a hard enough time with a female. The insurance doesn't care about that....."it's your prefence to have a female" they say.

Yeah, I guess it is. I guess I am just totally unreasonable and out of my mind that I don't want to talk about very very personal things with a guy. Whatever. Maybe it is all a lost cause. There's a song lyric that says "I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end it doesn't really matter" Guess that's me.

03-24-2006, 06:56 PM	#1 (permalink)
ranae1221 Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Arizona Posts: 318	trying to not give up but not sure why I have been able to recognize that I am walking on a dangerous path right now. The hoplessness has been so overwhelming, I have really been fighting my urges to just give up on life. I am doing everything I can think of to fight this, and I am not even sure why. I do have a history of depression and have been on meds for the last 4 years. The doctor recently increased it again, but I think it is a lost cause. I decided to try therapy again, I was seeing a counseler for almost 3 years when I quit, and it did really help. (I quit because at the time I had come as far as I could with the current therapist). I call my insurance, trying to do this "the right way". What a joke. There are 3 contracted providers, I call 2 of them 4 days ago and no one has called me back. The 3rd one, is a male. According to my insurance as long as he is taking new patients (which he is) then I have to see him, they will not work to find someone else in my area. I WILL not see a male therapist. Therapists always want to know about the "childhood", and I can not talk about most of it to a guy. I have a hard enough time with a female. The insurance doesn't care about that....."it's your prefence to have a female" they say. Yeah, I guess it is. I guess I am just totally unreasonable and out of my mind that I don't want to talk about very very personal things with a guy. Whatever. Maybe it is all a lost cause. There's a song lyric that says "I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end it doesn't really matter" Guess that's me.