Dear MK,
I know how it is to give your husband the pills so you won't take so many then Wig out after he leaves. My husband stays gone all week and it is so hard. I became addicted very young to pain pills, I was ten and it is so hard now at 31 to deal with any reality besides what I knew on pills. Alcohol and speed has gotten me in trouble too, but my DOC is pain pills. I have lost so much from drugs.. I would(and still do) think often(all day) just a few pills will make me feel whole again. But they don't even work right when I take them. I am also detoxing from fentanyl patches and it is HELL. Today the withdrawals started again and I haven't used for 11 days. I will die or be insane if I use any more. And i am not exaggerating. Three years ago the doctors told my husband I was in end-stage narcotic addiction. I had sores all over my body, I would sit on the living room floor and hallucinate and I still refused to believe the pills had anything to do with it. I have to think now, How do I live with the pills and function, not how can I live without them, I asked myself for 20 yrs how could I live without my pills??? I was determined to find a way to make pills a "normal" part of my existence. NOw I ask myself, what have i done?? It's plenty scary and seemingly impossible but I am not alone on my journrey and I will have you in my thoughts and prayers.
Many hugs and hope too,
Tammie
