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Hi.
I am new here, but I have read alot of the posts. And I've posted a few today.
I took my husband to the airport yesterday and I've been home alone this whole time. I'm not by myself very often at all. Anyways, I am sitting here feeling so depressed. Having time to sit and think about things without any distractions isn't what I need right now. My mind is non-stop right now with negativity.
I am addicted to pain killers. I have stopped before swearing that I would never get like "this" again. And I'm thinking that if I just take some today that I will feel happy again. Well it's not working today. And I just feel scared and hopeless. I want to get off these so bad, but I am terrified of the withdrawals. I make sure I always have plenty so that it doesn't happen. I tell myself that I will wean myself off this time since I have enough to do so. And it seems the more I get, the more I take. And then when it looks like I'm running low I go online to "another" doctor and get more Vicodin or Norco. My husband knows what's going on and he can only do so much. He does hold them for me, but when he's gone (like this weekend..On Business) he has no choice but to leave them with me. If he only leaves me so much or hides them I will call him nonstop and tell him to let me know where they are. He takes them too, but not like me. I'm so scared that he will though. Cuz he never even used to take a tylenol. And now I introduced him to pain killers and he likes the feeling they give him. I feel awful about it. I'm headed down a very scary road if I don't watch it.
Another thing I want to say is I am so amazed at peoople who have kids and have to deal with the withdrawals. I, unfortunately do not have kids and if I did I can't imagine having to take care of them feeling those horrible effects. How do you cope??
Tammie,
I read some of your posts. Hang in there babe. I envy you for getting clean and being at the point where you are. When I got off the narcotics last time, I became very depressed for about 2 months. But, I made it through and was so proud of myself. Well, look at me now. Right back where I swore I'd never be. Please pray for me that I make it through and that I can get clean again.
Take Care!! MK
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