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Hello
the 2 things I hear you having difficulty with are addiction and depression. Narcotics, in some studies, have been effective in helping with depression. But it is not a realistic treatment. Like Golf said-nothing good can come from the abuse. I don't know your situation. What med's you're on for depression. What you have tried, etc. but depression is very treatable with psychotropic med's in conjunction with psychotherapy (especially CBT-cognitive behavioral therapy).
I took Hydro for back pain- it works great!! but it is not a long-term solution for me-atleast in the capacity I was using and my lack of effort and exploration into alternative ways to deal with my back pain issues-including lifestyle changes.
If I were you, I might tell a doctor exactly what you posted here. I would also try to be conscious of what your depression looks like and what your addiction looks like-symtoms, patterns etc. Educate yourself, read posts here, and have faith in yourself and a better you.
I don't think you have "screwed yourself up". It sounds to me like you have tried to get relief, got some relief, and are now coming to terms with the fact that it's not working. Life's lessons and struggling!
There are a lot of wonderful people here.
I'd love to here more of your story.
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