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TheGirlInside · 02-26-2006, 01:22 PM

ICU (awesome name, by the way)

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!

Wow, that makes so much sense.

I would like to try to send that information/web link to all the MN congresspeople/lawmakers. I have heard from people who did not grow up here, that small-town midwestern mentality supports abusive relationships...the old "Go home, and make things work, dear." Men are supposed to be "macho" and women are supposed to be "submissive." (as the Bible says...only, the people who quote that part of the Bible forget about the part which says, "men, submit to the church," and there is some other part about ensuring a wife's reputation...i.e., not going around telling people that she's ******* around on you when she's not).

I have been attending ACOA group for about a year and a half now, and AA for just over a year. I noticed that after a few months in program (and a growth in my strength/resistance), the man I'm married to really "kicked it up a notch" by sexually assaulting me, and then blaming me for it. I was very confused and hurt by this, but also guilty that I wasn't trying hard enough to work on the marriage. It didn't help that he was telling me that he was working on the marriage, but I wasn't.

Then I found out that he'd been visiting not only numerous porn websites, but also "live local (non-committal) sex tonight" sites, AND sites like Great Expectations (where I kept coming to a membership log-in page) and match.com (where I found a woman he'd "marked" who is from a town only 20 miles from here. Apparently, that is his idea of "working on a marriage..." to seek porn, sex, and a relationship while still married.

I am still in the home, as is he. I feel lost, because I don't have money. There is a shelter that is willing to take me in, but I fear losing all my things that I brought into the marriage (I know, they are only things, but damn it, I don't think that I should have to leave it all behind and start new). And, this shelter is 20 miles farther away from my office, which is already 20 miles in the opposite direction of my home.

Also, I don't have anymoney. I started a Real Estate career almost a year ago, and have yet to make any money at it. I feel sort of like a spider caught in my own web.
He has abused my credit cards, essentially stealing from me. He has stopped filling the gas tank on our farm, and he has been hiding his checkbook from me, as though I've been irresponsible with money.

I'm really very sick of it, but I don't really know what to do next. I want to get out, but am not sure how. I keep trying to come up with ideas, but am feeling a little like it's pointless.

I started out writing this to give you praise, but here I am, talking about myself. Well, maybe that is okay.

Kari

02-26-2006, 01:22 PM	#6 (permalink)
TheGirlInside In Recovery Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Upper Midwest Posts: 259	ICU (awesome name, by the way) THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! Wow, that makes so much sense. I would like to try to send that information/web link to all the MN congresspeople/lawmakers. I have heard from people who did not grow up here, that small-town midwestern mentality supports abusive relationships...the old "Go home, and make things work, dear." Men are supposed to be "macho" and women are supposed to be "submissive." (as the Bible says...only, the people who quote that part of the Bible forget about the part which says, "men, submit to the church," and there is some other part about ensuring a wife's reputation...i.e., not going around telling people that she's ******* around on you when she's not). I have been attending ACOA group for about a year and a half now, and AA for just over a year. I noticed that after a few months in program (and a growth in my strength/resistance), the man I'm married to really "kicked it up a notch" by sexually assaulting me, and then blaming me for it. I was very confused and hurt by this, but also guilty that I wasn't trying hard enough to work on the marriage. It didn't help that he was telling me that he was working on the marriage, but I wasn't. Then I found out that he'd been visiting not only numerous porn websites, but also "live local (non-committal) sex tonight" sites, AND sites like Great Expectations (where I kept coming to a membership log-in page) and match.com (where I found a woman he'd "marked" who is from a town only 20 miles from here. Apparently, that is his idea of "working on a marriage..." to seek porn, sex, and a relationship while still married. I am still in the home, as is he. I feel lost, because I don't have money. There is a shelter that is willing to take me in, but I fear losing all my things that I brought into the marriage (I know, they are only things, but damn it, I don't think that I should have to leave it all behind and start new). And, this shelter is 20 miles farther away from my office, which is already 20 miles in the opposite direction of my home. Also, I don't have anymoney. I started a Real Estate career almost a year ago, and have yet to make any money at it. I feel sort of like a spider caught in my own web. He has abused my credit cards, essentially stealing from me. He has stopped filling the gas tank on our farm, and he has been hiding his checkbook from me, as though I've been irresponsible with money. I'm really very sick of it, but I don't really know what to do next. I want to get out, but am not sure how. I keep trying to come up with ideas, but am feeling a little like it's pointless. I started out writing this to give you praise, but here I am, talking about myself. Well, maybe that is okay. Kari