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I'm on Gregorian Chant now!! it's a chillout afternoon/evening - thanks for the link!!
I think part of wanting change is accepting myself too, it's my nature to be knotted when I'm knotted, fearful when I'm fearful and happy when I'm happy. It has been since when I can remember and I'm sure always will be. Perhaps that's why I've had a tendency to be curious, because I don't just hold things on the surface very well I need to 'get something' deeply.
Perhaps it isn't just alcoholism but living with D too - he has a very quiet way about thinking, it's not in your face but always there. His curiosity is contagious but not in the way that I want to learn what he learns more that I want to satisfy my own curiosities.
I think though the knots of this past year got me into gear and that reminded me of how it feels to let your mind go walk about and feel concepts shift and come into focus. So I'll stay on this path for however long I stay on it but I feel happy a new chapter has started - and for me they start with what I choose, or dream for.
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