[Bozo]

I feel like I am close to having a nervous breakdown. Yesteday I found out a good friend is being threatened with divorce by his wife. 18 years ago this very day, I walked out of work on a cold, windy and dreary Feb. day to find a note on the windshield of my car from my exwife asking for a divorce. This too is the last day I took a drink.

I dont know why, but what my friend is going through brought up all the old pain and feelings of what I went through. And then my alkie brain really took off. I internalized all the pain he must be going through, I remembered all the old pain I went through, and then I projected what would happen if I had to go through a divorce and all the pain and being all alone again.

I had myself whipped up into a frenzy. I was paralyzed with fear, and anxiety. I could barely muddle through the work day. On top of that everything else in the world just plain got to me. The fighting and killing, all the time, everywhere in the world. I made myself physically sick by internalizing all this chaos and turmoil in the world.

I went to a meeting last night and to my credit did not put on a happy face. I said I am whacked out tonight but I feel slightly better for being at a meeting.

No one really approached me after the meeting to offer support which kind of surprised(angered) me?

One guy said I need to go to Al Anon because I need to learn how to detach.

Today I feel like I have an emotional hangover from all the nervous anxiety I had yesterday. I feel physically ill and I feel like hiding.

God help me, am I cracking up? What the ef is wrong with me????????????