Hello Rosedreamer...
When I first tried to figure out the steps it was not very easy for me...but when I finally stoped making it MY problem, it all fell into place.
Your higher power could be anything or anyone you want it to be. Learning to let go is hard but your HP can be your strength.
This place is wonderful, you will find everyone feels similar to you and all our situations are as well.
You have to start focusing on you.
As for your husbend, you cannot make him change, go to a meeting or seek help, he has to want that for himself.
Be good to you
Many huggs!!!
Steph