I think you will find ALOT of answers in Al-Anon.
I think you also clearly depicted why many marriages break up once the A gets into recovery...suddenly they're all fixed and happy and confident (and yes, it does last, if you work a program like AA and get sober, you will feel better than you did in your life!) And the SO is like, hello, I'm still pissed off!
It's natural; but I do beleive you can save yourself alot of pain and anguish by getting into your own recovery (from this) through Al-Anon.
Good luck!
Cathy31
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