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blueglass · 02-10-2006, 07:12 AM

I searched all the open forums for it, but haven't found it, and I'm surprised.

I'm 36 years old, daughter of an alcoholic father, and I believe his abuse has caused me to... not grow well as a person. I've been treated for depression for the past 10 years with no real success in getting me back to my usual life. About a year ago I mentioned to my therapist that I thought I might have something called depersonalization disorder. The symptoms vary, but one of the main ones is that you don't feel quite "real". I only mentioned it once, and then didn't bring it up again.

Now that I've done more research on the topic, I think that's exactly what's wrong, and I've been misdiagnosed as having clinical depression - or perhaps I do have depression but that is not the main problem. I've now spoken to my therapist about finding me a psychiatrist who has working knowledge of dissociative disorders, because I feel like I'm on to something that could really turn my life around.

I believe I've had this disorder since possibly age 7. I don't know if it was due to head trauma I sustained at that age, or the first time my father beat me. But what I seem to have done is drawn into myself. I feel as if the real me is somewhere inside my body, operating the rest from a safe distance. I grew up learning to be good at faking, so I doubt anyone is aware that I don't quite function like everyone else. I think I have just learned to mimic others, so I appear fine, but all is not well inside. I thought I just viewed the world as if looking through a camera because I'm artistic, and in truth, it's probably this disorder that fuels my artistic flare.

So.. I was just wondering if anyone else has this problem. I was just tackling my ACoA issues, and now I've got to take this on as well.

02-10-2006, 07:12 AM	#1 (permalink)
blueglass Freak, no Leash Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Ohio Posts: 50	Anyone with a dissociative disorder? I searched all the open forums for it, but haven't found it, and I'm surprised. I'm 36 years old, daughter of an alcoholic father, and I believe his abuse has caused me to... not grow well as a person. I've been treated for depression for the past 10 years with no real success in getting me back to my usual life. About a year ago I mentioned to my therapist that I thought I might have something called depersonalization disorder. The symptoms vary, but one of the main ones is that you don't feel quite "real". I only mentioned it once, and then didn't bring it up again. Now that I've done more research on the topic, I think that's exactly what's wrong, and I've been misdiagnosed as having clinical depression - or perhaps I do have depression but that is not the main problem. I've now spoken to my therapist about finding me a psychiatrist who has working knowledge of dissociative disorders, because I feel like I'm on to something that could really turn my life around. I believe I've had this disorder since possibly age 7. I don't know if it was due to head trauma I sustained at that age, or the first time my father beat me. But what I seem to have done is drawn into myself. I feel as if the real me is somewhere inside my body, operating the rest from a safe distance. I grew up learning to be good at faking, so I doubt anyone is aware that I don't quite function like everyone else. I think I have just learned to mimic others, so I appear fine, but all is not well inside. I thought I just viewed the world as if looking through a camera because I'm artistic, and in truth, it's probably this disorder that fuels my artistic flare. So.. I was just wondering if anyone else has this problem. I was just tackling my ACoA issues, and now I've got to take this on as well.