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requiredfield · 02-08-2006, 08:38 AM

I'm kind of losing it and I need help/advice. Well I'm just completely obsessing about something and posting about it, could make it worse or better.

Anyhow, I'm a little more than 10 months into my recovery. For the past few days, I've been out of my mind completely focusing on the past. And out of no where I started to obsess about something that happened on Xmas eve. Someone made a Tiramisu. I was psyched since I love it. A few weeks earlier I was out to eat with people at work and I saw the Tiramisu was made with espresso. So on Xmas eve I didn't think twice about it and started to eat it. A few bites in I said to another woman, "I think I taste booze". She said "Really? " And I replied "Well it could be espresso" So I finished the piece. My 11 year old cousin even had a piece so I didn't think it was a big deal. That night when I got home I could taste something on my tounge still and I started to freak out that I had injested booze (tiramisu does not have cooked alcohol, it is soaked, if made with alchohol) and that I would have to get another 24 chip. I finally feel asleep with my head racing..

On Xmas morning I called my sponsor and she said that I absolutely did not have a relapse or a slip. She explained to me that my intention was to a have a piece of dessert and not to drink. I understood what she meant. And I layed it to rest. After all, my aunt didnt have a problem with her 11 yr old having a piece. And it wasn't like I was in the corner with the entire cake...

So out of no where, yesterday I started thinking about the Tiramisu again, wondering if I had been lying to myself, wondering if i even knew what my intent was... (even though I know how it went down). It definately seems so crazy and irrational to even be second guessing something as simple as a dessert. But I guess since I'm nearing my year anniversary I'm starting to wonder if I'm a fake. Overall, I know I'm completely not living in the moment and I'm asking my HP to help me w/ that, and help me let the tiramisu go.. I was just wondering what others thought and if they had any experience with something like this....

Thanks
Anna

02-08-2006, 08:38 AM	#1 (permalink)
requiredfield Peace begins with a smile Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Boston, MA Posts: 173	Going crazy over eating a dessert.... I'm kind of losing it and I need help/advice. Well I'm just completely obsessing about something and posting about it, could make it worse or better. Anyhow, I'm a little more than 10 months into my recovery. For the past few days, I've been out of my mind completely focusing on the past. And out of no where I started to obsess about something that happened on Xmas eve. Someone made a Tiramisu. I was psyched since I love it. A few weeks earlier I was out to eat with people at work and I saw the Tiramisu was made with espresso. So on Xmas eve I didn't think twice about it and started to eat it. A few bites in I said to another woman, "I think I taste booze". She said "Really? " And I replied "Well it could be espresso" So I finished the piece. My 11 year old cousin even had a piece so I didn't think it was a big deal. That night when I got home I could taste something on my tounge still and I started to freak out that I had injested booze (tiramisu does not have cooked alcohol, it is soaked, if made with alchohol) and that I would have to get another 24 chip. I finally feel asleep with my head racing.. On Xmas morning I called my sponsor and she said that I absolutely did not have a relapse or a slip. She explained to me that my intention was to a have a piece of dessert and not to drink. I understood what she meant. And I layed it to rest. After all, my aunt didnt have a problem with her 11 yr old having a piece. And it wasn't like I was in the corner with the entire cake... So out of no where, yesterday I started thinking about the Tiramisu again, wondering if I had been lying to myself, wondering if i even knew what my intent was... (even though I know how it went down). It definately seems so crazy and irrational to even be second guessing something as simple as a dessert. But I guess since I'm nearing my year anniversary I'm starting to wonder if I'm a fake. Overall, I know I'm completely not living in the moment and I'm asking my HP to help me w/ that, and help me let the tiramisu go.. I was just wondering what others thought and if they had any experience with something like this.... Thanks Anna __________________ Don't count the days, make the day count!