[angelgirl]

Hey,,

I just thought I would post here, I am just about at the end of my rope..
Not really knowing what to do anymore.. I think I have really had about all I can take.

I have suffered from anxiety as many of you know for many years. As long as I can remember really. But, I do believe it is the worst it has ever been, and I don't really know if I can take anymore. I really don't.

I have gone from someone who NEVER sleeps, to someone who sleeps most of the time. I am trying to sleep as often as I can, because I need to escape life.. My anxiety is so darn bad when I am awake, that I can't take it.

Please don't tell me to take a bath or anything like that, because I can't sit stil that long, if I laid in the bath tub, I would probably throw up from being so anxious.

I just shake, sometimes, out of control. Thoughts are just terrible, and all over the place. Doom.. Everything seems terrible and life shattering.

I actually feel liek I am going to throw up right now. This has gotten out of control, and I don't know what happened?? I don't know why? I just know that i need it to get better NOW.

I spend so much time praying, praying, praying. Why is god allowing me to suffer like this?? Am I so bad? I jus tdon't understand, really I don't??

I feel really bad for my kids.

Has this ever gotten this bad for anyone if their life>?? I am talking really, really bad?? So bad that it affects every moment of their day/night?? That you just shake all the time, sometimes so bad you jus tshake uncontrolled??
If so, how did you get better??

I am in 2 support groups, and I see a therapist everyweek, or 2..

Thanks so much.. I am sorry for sounding so crazy, but it I really am at my end.. I don't know if I can take this anymore.

It's a darn good thing I do NOT believe in suicide..

By the way, I fear that I am going to end up in the menatl hospital. That is the biggest fear in my life!! I am so afraid if I ever end up0 there, I will never come back. I never ever want to go there, ever.

I do know that I fear doctors, and illess, really bad!!!
My husband who has been really super healthy forever, is suddenly sick, and we have spent alot of time at the doctors this week and last. I think a great deal of this has to do withthat. I THINK.. But it i9s so out of control.
My husband was not feeling at all well a little while ago, and my anxiety suddenly got SUPER bad, now I am shaking so bad, I cna hardly type. I just can think..

I knwo it has to do with my mom dying so young of cancer that the doctors missed for so long. I can be reasonable about that, and say, my husband will be ok, but I can't get my body to calm down. I don't knw0o if that is really all that is wrong??

Lord, I need help..

Love and prayers,
Becky