flower....you took the words right out of my mouth. I completely relate to the darkness after leaving my mom. On sunday when I went to pick my dog up from her house to bring him to our new house, I had to sit in the driveway with my hands on my eyes and just cry. There is a definite darkness that stays with me for a while after I leave my mom. I am slowly learning ways to change that.
As for the feeling that you are having Preciouz....it sounds like a panic attack. I have those too and for years I wouldn't be able to stop them. I would get to the point that I would sick. I would run for the bathroom. A great way I have learned to stop them is, when you feel the heat coming on and you are starting to get nauseous.....leave, walk to another room, step outside and take a few deep calming breaths. You might want to look into getting a relaxation tape/cd. It will teach you how to calm yourself down.