[Sugah]

Hi, Carol. I will pray you have a speedy recovery? As someone whose had back problems all my life, I truly feel for you (I'm on my heating pad right now).

I was told the same thing when I crushed my leg....that I needed to keep the pain at a manageable level. The doctor who told me that was in recovery himself, and his feeling on it was either he could help me to control the pain or let me to control it on my own. The difference between you and I is that I was only three months clean and sober at the time. In hearing from others in AA & NA, I know that time is not a prevention against relapse.

Here's what I did: I had two people who were non-addicts and who would not give me more than the prescribed dose, even if I begged. I gave them my medication, and I was given it when I needed it. At night, I was given enough to make it through till morning. At three months, and on only percocet with a leg full of metal and neurological complications making the nights agony, I could have taken the full night dose at once, but luckily, I had a sponsor who drilled one of the tools of the program into my head. She taught me to pray through those urges. She taught me to be grateful that my lower leg was still attached to my body (a grateful heart won't drink or use, and I believe it). She taught me that in times of trouble, it was all the more important that I rely on my HP and the steps and the fellowship. While I was still in the hospital, I burned up about 1800 minutes on a phone card talking to folks in the program!

You inspire me that, at thirteen years sober, you're still reaching out for help. I'm a relative newcomer, and sometimes, I get to thinking I know all I need to know to make it through tough spots. You're a good role model for those of us who forget that being teachable is one of the most important tools in our spiritual bag.

Peace & Love,
Sugah