Does anyone else get physically sick when your around the alcoholic? Like you start shaking, you get a bad headache and you can't breathe and your stomach hurts to the point to go to the bathroom and you Feel like throwing up? How do you deal with it? How did you stop letting that happen?
that's how i feel the moment my dad talks to me because I know... nothing good comes out of it. It's always a setup for him to critize me about something.
I hate it i hate it so much, it's so hard to just keep quiet. He has been doing it to me for about 3 days now. He asks me to give him a ride knowing I am going to say no.. then says something else.. so i can blow up on him. I haven't yet.. I have told him off but i am gettin frustrated because I don't want to go on a screaming rampage on him. It's only going to have a excuse for him to fight wiht my mom and say his BS about that we want the alcoholic him back (he didn't leave in the first place). Whatever.. i know he drinks when he's not home, when we're not home... plus he is still buying beer for his "friends". I know what he is doing when he talks to me... I hate it. Gosh... My mom isn't home, she's at a bball game for my sister. She knows what he did just jow because i called her. It's so stupid. He was giving me attitude because I put gas in the car when we have "no money" (yea but he can go shell out $400 on glasses he doesn't even use)... its like what the hell you expect me to do? wait until he does it? I had to and i didn't have money to buy lunch. My car was practially at full and he went to put gas anyways. He got back went to my room and he said "nice lunch" and laughed. i told him to "cut it out and stop bothering me... just because you get some sick pleasure out of all this... leave me alone, i don't like talking to you and the moment you talk to me i get pissed off.".. he then said "i was just saying... " and i cut him off and told him "I had to chose to either eat and not have gas to get home or have gas to get home and eat until I get home... don't critize me about my choices, they are my choices, I put gas already. what do you want me to do? take the gas out so you can go put some in? I have allot of homework, I'm tired, I'm busy, I don't have time for this to hear you talk S*** (yes i said this) or bother me or give you rides, leave me alone don't bother me, i don't like talking to you, don't talk to me, let it go, you don't gain anything from this so stop" and walked away. Gosh.. I feel so sick to my sotmach because i hate being around him. Always ******* on me about the stupidest S****. (sorry.. about the lingo). On Tues. I had to fax paperwork that he forgot for his taxes. He was yelling at me and saying I don't know anything. Excuse me... I am suppose to know how to use your fax machine because I fax ish all the time & i am suppose to know what you need for your taxes. Last night he kept asking me to call 411 for him.... what is so hard for him to call 411? He was sitting in the other room talking to his friends. Then he told me not to give him an attitude I told him what else do you expect? Your asking me to do favors that you can easily do yourself, but your too lazy to do it. And he said if it was such a big deal he'll pay me? And i told him " pay me with what? Who the hell do you think i am? Paying me isn't going to change anything. It doesn't change the fact that your taking valuable time away from my stuides and my homework that demands every minute of my free time. You dont stay up until 12:30-1 doing homework and studying for exams then get up at 5:30 to leave, you don't have to pick up my siblings because my mom works. You don't have to work around mom's Schedule. YOu don't spend two hours trying to get home from picking my slibings up. You don't have to do literally 7 hours a homework per day. You dont go to school 6 days a week. You don't have 4 hour classes. You don't have research papers, term papers do. You don't do anything, that is why i am giving you an attitude and that is why i am impacient and that is why i get mad when you ask me something because It's not my priority and it's not important". I gave him a ear full he just shut up. I feel better that i told him my 2 cents. I blew off a little steam. He made me feel sick anyways though.
I know alcoholics are dependant on others.. it just that that is no excuse for him to act like a 5... no 3.. year old.
My insight: I realize how resourceful I am on myself. I already realized that I act more like a responsible parent than my dad will ever be.I also realized that my dad pisses me off way too much, I know i am going to have serious health problems if I don't get control.