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Gaz....everything will be okay, but you have to start looking inside instead of outside for happiness. How? Start going to Alanon, reading codie books and posting in the friends and Family forum or the Adult Children forum.

Everything you are saying here is coming from the codependency....and the mental health issues and meds are just a side issue really. The above mentioned forums deal explicitly with codependency and dear.....everything I hear from you are the same words I was yelling out before I found Alanon and started focusing on myself last year. And all my friends were so very tired of hearing me crying anc complaining and asking for advice until I decided to start a "relationship" journal. I wrote letters to the person, I wrote out every one of my feelings and thoughts about the persona and the relationship. Everytime my mind went to that person, I grabbed that journal and started filling up the pages. And you know what? I got so tired of listening to myself talk about the same things and the same feelings over and over that THAT is when I found clarity and was able to start looking inside myself.

You are obsessed and addicted to the "idea" of being in a relationship and being in love. So many thousands of people, men and women, have been and continue to be in that same place you are now.....so reach out to them in those 2 forums I mentioned above. Ask them what to do and how to start looking inside yourself and REALLY listen to the answers and try to learn as much as you can.

You are so desperate to feel love right now that you are letting it control your life....and that never ends happily.

Hugs,
Jenna