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Wondergirl · 01-08-2006, 07:59 AM

Hi,
I'm new to this forum. Thank you for the list of a healthy relationship, Gabe. It helps me to see what I want in a relationship and what I need to work on. My husband has been in AA for several years now but he has many issues related to addiction like over self sufficiency, workaholic, loves money like his higher power, anger outbursts, etc., etc.. I'm in AA too so of course, I have my own stuff like codependency. Yesterday, my husband was so hungry because he didn't eat all day and wants to leave for dinner. I was almost ready, listening to a message on my answering machine, when he lost his patience and said I'm leaving. He walks out to the car, ready to pull out when I jump in yelling and swearing for neighbors to hear. We continued to argue all the way to the restaurant. As soon as we get near the restaurant, he turns and says, "I'm going home. I'm not hungry anymore!" I have a fit and threaten to get out of the car when he says, "don't get out, if you do I'll let you walk home like I've done before." We end up going back to the restaurant to eat.
This is a typical dynamic between us over the years. It does so much damage to me emotionally. I know I tolerate it and wind up abusing myself but I don't know how to set limits with him. We both go to meetings, sought therapy, take OCD meds and it has improved greatly but when this happens I get very angry (more with myself). I can't work with him to resolve the issue because he won't own up to his own behavior, alot of blaming tactics. I usually feel guilty, then apologize in some way and I have to wait for him to cool down. Do you have any suggestions how to handle this better? Thanks, Wondergirl!

01-08-2006, 07:59 AM	#1 (permalink)
Wondergirl Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Heartland, USA Posts: 3	Anger outbursts Hi, I'm new to this forum. Thank you for the list of a healthy relationship, Gabe. It helps me to see what I want in a relationship and what I need to work on. My husband has been in AA for several years now but he has many issues related to addiction like over self sufficiency, workaholic, loves money like his higher power, anger outbursts, etc., etc.. I'm in AA too so of course, I have my own stuff like codependency. Yesterday, my husband was so hungry because he didn't eat all day and wants to leave for dinner. I was almost ready, listening to a message on my answering machine, when he lost his patience and said I'm leaving. He walks out to the car, ready to pull out when I jump in yelling and swearing for neighbors to hear. We continued to argue all the way to the restaurant. As soon as we get near the restaurant, he turns and says, "I'm going home. I'm not hungry anymore!" I have a fit and threaten to get out of the car when he says, "don't get out, if you do I'll let you walk home like I've done before." We end up going back to the restaurant to eat. This is a typical dynamic between us over the years. It does so much damage to me emotionally. I know I tolerate it and wind up abusing myself but I don't know how to set limits with him. We both go to meetings, sought therapy, take OCD meds and it has improved greatly but when this happens I get very angry (more with myself). I can't work with him to resolve the issue because he won't own up to his own behavior, alot of blaming tactics. I usually feel guilty, then apologize in some way and I have to wait for him to cool down. Do you have any suggestions how to handle this better? Thanks, Wondergirl!